Player Names
| Jersey Name | Roster Player |
|---|---|
| Ollie Tabooger | Todd Skelton |
| Olaf Maifrend-Sergei | Brandon MacKay |
| I. P. Freely | Tracy McFee |
| Heywood Yapinchme | |
| Jacques Strap | |
| Al Coholic | Paul Eccles |
| Oliver Klozoff | |
| Seymour Buttz | Graham MacKay |
| Homer Sexual | Michael McKenney |
| Mike Rotch | Mike Frank |
| I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt | Doug Brascoupe |
| Hugh Jass | Theresa Brooks |
| Bea O'Problem | |
| Amanda Hugginkiss | Amanda Huggins |
| Anita Bath | Sharon Vandersar |
| Maya Buttreeks | |
| Ura Snotball | Kate Biltszto |
| Heywood U. Kuddulmee | Casey Perreault |
| Ahmed Adoudi | Anne Lemelin |
| Ima Wiener | |
| Maya Normusbutt | Melissa Borowski |
| Drew P. Wiener | Darryl Palmer |
| Yuri Nator | Jonathan Quirt |
| Moe Ron | Matthew Montean |
| Lee Kebum | |
| Ivana Tinkle | Heather Clifford |
| Milady Partz | Leila Paugh |
| Tess T. Coles | Alexis Cowan |
| Emma Royd | Melanie MacKay |
| Hugh G. Rection | Tyler Arp |
| Ima Buttface | Liz McKenney |
| Pierre Pants | |
| Anita Manbow | |
| Ivana Likyu | |
| Stu Piddiddiot | Cindy Brooks |
| Igor DaPinow | |
| Avery Wunzboogerz | |
| Goddamit Kyle | Kyle Sawicki |